Funny Jokes
With the dangers of our world becoming more and more obtrusive and pervasive, everyone should have certain items on hand to protect themselves as much as possible from sever injury or even death. I am a firm believer in pro-active precautions being incorporated into everyone’s daily routines. There are some vital products that are invaluable for emergencies.
Owning a gun is no longer a radical concept—especially for women. I place it first on my of tools that might save one’s life because, well, it simply is the best self-protection any can have in the case of assault of any kind. Any model who lives by herself, in my opinion, should have at the very least a stun gun or pepper spray. But the defense is a gun because it can deter an attacker at a long distance, unlike a stun gun or pepper spray. The following site is a good one to investigating the necessity of gun ownership. It also gives advice on training, which it states is essential to a woman’s sense of confidence and security in using a gun properly and defensively. There are many other gun training organizations located in cities and communities all over the country and they can be located on any Google search for your city on “gun training.”
http://www.a-human-right.com/staysafe.html This site is a great place to begin educating oneself on gun ownership and training. Very interesting.
http://www2.pulsetv.com/st/prodinfo.asp?number=2300
My son just recently experienced the death of a co-worker who drowned when her automobile skidded backwards off a lake embankment. She was pinned inside her car and still in her seat belt. It was possibly a tragedy that could have been avoided with the proper tool. The one thing that happens when a vehicle goes into a river or lake is that the pressure against the doors and windows builds up so that it may be extremely hard to get the door open. Sometimes the door’s even pinned shut by a branch or other object; sometimes the automobile flips and the driver is pinned down on her side while the driver’s side is positioned upward. It’s crucial for the driver to have some way to get out of that Immediately.
That’s when Motor Trend’s Emergency Hammer is a real life-saver! It is specifically made with a razor sharp slicing edge that will slice through strong seat belts and the hammer’s head is fabricated with a steel that will shatter through auto safety glass in car windows. This truly is a no-brainer for anyone, man or woman, and should always be kept in every car’s glove compartment or side sleeve where it’s accessible in a heartbeat when an emergency occurs. You have to call to order the hammer and the phone number is on the site above: motortrend emergency hammer with razor cutter for seat belts, etc. 800-632-1456 – call to order.
http://greatinventions.tv/products/102.php
This next product may seem a bit bizarre, but I actually know someone who saved a friend’s life with it. The Econo Home Defibrillator is a must for families. it might seem extreme, this product can come in to the rescue if someone is shocked and their heart stops or for people who have had heart troubles and might experience a heart attack. Made by Affordable Medical Devices, this product claims to be essentially the same product as those made in the USA which are almost cost prohibitive. Though I don’t have experience with this particular product from this particular source, I highly advocate people looking into a home defibrillator as resuscitation tool that can really mean the difference between life and death for a loved one.
http://www.eternityflashlights.com/
This next tool is a delight. It is inexpensive and is another must have in several places in your home and absolutely in your car. It’s a shake-up LED flashlight that is battery-less. All you do is shake for 30 seconds and you get power to your flashlight! No kidding. No batteries means it’s always accessible for emergencies. They even have one available with a siren and a radio. You can call to order and bulk orders are offered too. This would make ideal Christmas presents or gifts to the college student who you want to supply with plenty of self-protection when she or he goes off to college!
The next product or products that might save your life have had plenty of press after 911, but people sometimes forget to purchase one for an all-around tool to have accessible for any emergency, weather-related or for any catastrophe. It’s an emergency radio. Grundig offers a lot of models from its website, so you can to search for the right one for you and your family: http://www.ccrane.com/radios/wind-up-emergency-radios/index.aspx\
I have a Grundig 200 model which give short-wave capability. I also have a weather radio in my kitchen drawer. You can set this to alert you when and if emergency weather announcements are made to through the public announcement system. It’s not only handy just to have to preview the forecast but an absolute necessity when you have a hurricane or tornado or any other weather-related emergency pending or imminent. This site offers crank radios as well as power supplies, another must. One is a crank device you activate with your feet like a pedal and it can start a stalled battery in your automobile or other electronic power driven tool. http://nextpowerusa.stores.yahoo.net/freeplay-freecharge-weza-portable-energy-source.html
The last advice is a tool that most people already have, but I was alerted to a new use for this which actually makes a lot of sense and can truly save your life in the event of a home intrusion in the night. Put your keys on a bedside table when you get ready to go to sleep. In the event of a burglary or intrusion what you must do is point your “wand” toward your car outside to sound the alarm in the car. The sound will definitely upset any intruder because of one thing. They know that it will wake up irritated neighbors instantly and lights will most likely go on immediately around your house. It just might be a lot faster than a 911 call in the case of a perilous break in. The last thing an intruder or rapist wants is the attention of a lot of aroused neighbors who can tell immediately whose car is sounding an alarm. This one tip is so simple and available for anyone to use that it just might be number one on my of practical things to do and use to save your life, even if I saved it for last!
To be honest, I think that most presenters should avoid telling
jokes. But on the other hand, telling jokes around the
water cooler or on the porch while sippin’ lemonade is
a time-honored tradition. If it was good enough for
Gramps, why ain’t it good enough for us? But if you
are going to tell jokes, you should do it right.
1. Make sure you actually know the joke. Practice
it! Tell it to your kids, your spouse, and your dog.
Trust me, you want to tell the joke a few times
before you do it for real. Nothing will make you
look like a bigger idiot than telling a joke wrong.
2. Scan the internet for jokes to AVOID. Don’t
tell jokes that everybody has heard… if your
joke is all over the internet, then this is a great
joke to AVOID.
3. Shorter jokes are better. I know, I know. You think
you’re a great story teller. But trust me, your audience
will appreciate you for NOT adding all of the colorful
details and fluff. Just tell the joke. Shorten it if you can.
4. The punch line comes last. And I mean last!
Nothing should come after the punch-line. Consider
this joke done well.
Why Did the chicken cross the road? To get to the
other side.
Now, the same joke when the punch-line is not last.
This is much worse. (I know, that joke is pretty bad on
it’s own, but… you get the idea.)
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other
side of the road which was on a long block because he
wanted to get to his chicken coop.
See? Punch-lines should be last. Period. NOTHING
comes after the punch. (Except for your silence and their laughter.)
5. Keep it clean. And I mean crystal clean. If you wouldn’t
tell it to the Queen of England (who probably doesn’t like
jokes much anyway) then leave it out. Seriously. If you
have any doubt whether you are “crossing the line,” then
don’t tell it. Think of it this way: if you tell a joke to 10 people
and 9 of them laugh, then you’ve still alienated a friend. Don’t do it.
6. If you are telling a joke as part of a presentation,
don’t take credit for the joke. You can do that before
the joke with something like, “Here’s one I read on
the internet.” Or after the joke with something like,
“That old joke was on the internet, but it reminds us
to…. (follow with a point.)” If you don’t let people know
that his joke is from the internet, you risk looking like a
fool. I guarantee that at least a couple of people in every
audience already know your joke, and if you want to earn
and keep THEIR respect you need to make sure you don’t (tacitly) claim that joke to be yours.
7. Don’t steal jokes from stand up comics. Unless they are
dead. Jokes are material, and it is how they earn a living.
If you tell it, copy it, email it…. whatever… you devalue the
joke for them. Besides, it’s bad karma. 